I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
