It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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