Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
