his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
