this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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