Just took my morning after pill in the library
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
