so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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