Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
