But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
