I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
