GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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