dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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