and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
