Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
This is not my ceiling
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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