On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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