is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
