the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
