It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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