The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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