Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
