Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
