he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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