Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
