Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize