Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize