we have pet lesbian snakes
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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