he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
