Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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