I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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