is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
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