Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
