i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
