You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
