i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I pour the whiskey from now on
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize