I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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