i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize