He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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