Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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