Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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