He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I will pee on everything he values.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
