i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
