I'm really into asian looking animals
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
