And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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