I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
