Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
