just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
