Don't you send me to vm
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
