Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
