Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
