drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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