I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
