after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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