you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
