I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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