I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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