I will die if light touches me.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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