Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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