omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
