At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize