fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize