dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
