I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Everyone says I win the strip club
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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