i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
