My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize