I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
love makes seman taste better
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
