He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
