with your own penis?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
