i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
