theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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