Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
