OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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